It has been so long since I wrote my last blog, I suddenly had an urge to write one. I was inspired to write again after reading an article by Dr Liz O’Riorden, a breast surgeon who has had breast cancer diagnosed for the third time. She has written books and gives lectures about the effect of having breast cancer and she has written a list of things she wishes she had known from the start of her diagnosis. This got me thinking about what I wish I had been told when diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, hence this blog.
Just to recap for people that don’t know, 5 years ago I found a hardened area on my left breast, at first it seemed to come and go but one month it stayed. I got referred to the breast clinic and had a breast examination first, the surgeon thought it was nothing to worry about but sent me along to have a mammogram. They found a 0.5mm growth and took a biopsy, it was cancer so my treatment was to have a lumpectomy and a round of radiotherapy. When they did the lumpectomy they found a 5cm mass and it was lobular cancer and that was the hardening I felt, lobular cancer does not show up on mammograms so although it is important to have them it is especially important to do self examinations and report any changes in your breasts. This is where my journey began, I had a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and I take a daily oestrogen inhibiter and a monthly Zolodex injection to stop my body producing oestrogen, I was thrown into a sudden chemically induced menopause.
So the article I read made me think about things that I wish I had been told when the treatment plan was discussed and what I feel should be discussed with everyone who is diagnosed with breast cancer that needs a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I feel that there should at some stage be a discussion informing you of the effects of all these treatments on your body physically and mentally as I feel I was led to believe that I just had to get through the treatment and then I would return to my old self. Obviously I realised I would only have one breast, what I was not prepared for was the physical side effects I have now which to name a few, kidney disease, inflamed liver, hyper-mobility spectrum syndrome, peripheral neuropathy , degenerative bone disease in my back, hips and knees, Lymphedema the list goes on but mentally with all the trauma I have been through and menopause symptoms such as brain fog, depression and anxiety I certainly am not the person I was before breast cancer and it’s a shock and it makes me feel like a failure.
I know that everybody is unique and your outcome can be very different, some people have no after effects and seem to return to normal, I think having the chemotherapy drug Taxol increases you chance of having adverse side effects like me. I feel that if I had been warned of these possible side effects then I would not have placed myself under so much pressure to get back to my old normal and ultimately not felt like I had lost myself.
Even now 5 years later I still strive to be the active person I was before diagnosis when in reality I can not walk very far and feeling sick and in pain haunts me everyday, this makes me feel useless and I feel like the biggest moaner you could find. If I had been warned that this could happen then I could of prepared myself better and probably would not feel so angry. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking I have become miserable as I have a wonderful husband who looks after me and a job I love but I just wanted to highlight that even though as breast cancer survivors we say we are fine and we are lucky to be here, sometimes you don’t feel that lucky ❤️
Let normal service resume 