Dreaming of a bright future

I feel like this chapter of my life is coming to a close, I am in the final weeks of the Degree course I started a few months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a break from the course whilst I was having treatment, a six month stint at work then I was back on the course. So I feel as if I have been writing essays forever, my mind always ticking over thinking about what else I can write about but this will all end, will I miss it, yes of course it has been an opportunity to learn more about the job I love and given me a deeper understanding of the mechanisms that make it work. I have met a variety of people and had support from many people for which I am so grateful, I have missed patient contact and I am looking forward to getting back to work although I have now got another ordeal to cope with, surviving Cancer but living in its shadow.

This experience I have found myself in just keeps on running and throws up obstacles constantly to me getting my life back and returning to myself seems impossible. I feel worse now than I did when I was going through treatment which even to me sounds ridiculous but who would of thought that a tiny tablet and an injection once a month would reduce a person to feel like they are a 90 year old and make even the simplest of activities seem like a mountain to climb. Thank goodness for all the support groups online which show me that I am not the only one who is experiencing every side effect listed for these drugs, otherwise I would think that I was making it up, as a nurse we always warn patients about the side effects but I don’t think we prepare them or I really did not expect to have all of them all at once.

Being on lockdown has made no difference to my life as I feel I have been living within the four walls of my house for the past 2 years, being allowed back at work is exciting as I miss being part of my team of nurses who work so hard and have had to be out there working their socks off. I have always been proud to be a nurse and I think not being able to do the job I love is one of the things that makes me angry and really resentful of the fact I have had breast cancer and how much it effects my life. Anyway I am glad I am alive and I have so many positive things in my life I really should not grumble!

I have decided that I am going to write a book about my experience of breast cancer and include all the blogs I have written over the years, its always strange reading back over them and remembering how I was feeling at that time. I have learnt so much not just about becoming aware of the foods that we consume and how we should avoid alcohol, which for us nurses is a difficult thing although for me at the moment as I feel so sick I can not tolerate drinking. My cupboards are full of eco friendly, chemical free cleaning products, my pots and pans have no chemicals in them and my skin has never felt so good since I started using Tropic products, I can’t stress enough how we all need to change what we use on our bodies and what is in the air around us. Smoking cigarettes was popular 60 years ago and nobody was aware of the devastating effects it can have on our health, I bet in years to come we will have been made aware of the chemicals that are used in our everyday products do cause health issues and some of them will probably be banned. So I decided that I could put everything I have learnt on paper and hopefully it may help some woman get through this Cancer because although I am in constant pain and my body does not function as it should I probably would never have thought of writing and this is something I love so I have lots to be thankful for.

Thank you all for reading my blogs, it really means a lot to me, stay safe!