One Step forward 15/09/18

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.”
Cherokee Indian Proverb

I am now approaching three weeks post my last chemotherapy, a few of the side effects have now subsided but I am still battling with a numbness in my fingers, toes and tongue, fatigue and altered taste. I am feeling relieved to have come to the end of this but inside i feel nervous and worried and there is a certain amount of uncertainty entering my thought processes as I move on to the next gruelling regime,  although the chemo was the worst thing I have ever experienced it did give be a sense of protection from this terrible illness. So, in a funny way it made me feel safe.

I am now allowing myself to look to the future and I can see that real life will return slowly. I know how Rapunzel felt when she was locked in that tower, only escaping sometimes if she let down her hair, this is how I have felt over the past 6 months (although not the hair bit, as I am still bald), I have had small snippets of real life but on the whole, I feel I have been locked away. I am lucky I have  met my Prince Charming, who has supported me through all this, although don’t get me wrong he is still a man, which obviously means he can be very annoying sometimes but I know he is there to support me and look after me no matter what and that is very special. We have had a couple of family celebrations over the past few weeks which allows us all to celebrate the good times.

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As I have written before about my tumour was positive to oestrogen, which means that the cancer fed on the oestrogen inside my body. I have been prescribed Tamoxifen to suppress my ovaries which prevents oestrogen being released into my body but I have discovered that many of our everyday cleaning products and skin care products have chemicals that mimic oestrogen in our bodies, it is shocking that the animal feed we use to feed animals for human consumption are fed on a cocktail of growth hormones and antibiotics.

So, this week I would like to remind everyone what harmful substances we are using in our homes and putting into and on our bodies.

 Skincare products and make-up contains a number of chemicals, these chemicals include parabens, these are hormone disrupting chemicals that mimic oestrogen and are thought to cause cancer. Bisphenol A (BPA), it is thought that this chemical can produce abnormal amounts of oestrogen and progesterone, it is added to receipts to make writing appear darker without using ink, it is also found in the lining of canned foods, health. The US has banned BPA from baby bottles and the European Commission is stopping the chemical being added to receipts from 2020. Chlorophenols are used as preservatives in cosmetics and have been linked to cancer as well as Benzophenones which are added to lip balm and nail varnish to protect them from uv light, it is also used in soap in order for it to keep its colour and scent. Tricolsan is a chemical which is added to personal care products to prevent bacterial contamination as well as soaps, toothpastes, cosmetics, clothing, furniture and toys, this has been linked to reduced heart health and underactive thyroid, this chemical has been banned from soap in the US.

Non- organic food production makes wide use of pesticides, Glyphosate- the active ingredient in Monsanto’s roundup is the most widely sold weed killer in the world and its use in UK farming has increased by 400% in the last 20 years. Glyphosate is one of three pesticides regularly found in British bread. Glyphosate is a probable carcinogen and although manufacturers insist that the levels in our food are safe, research suggests that there are no safe levels. In organic farming the routine use of drugs, antibiotics and wormers are banned- instead the farmers will use preventative methods moving animals to fresh pastures and keeping smaller herds and flocks.

#PlasticFreePeriods, most conventional tampons are made up of either 100%viscose or a mix of viscose and conventional cotton. Viscose is a man-made fibre, wood, cotton or bamboo are used and the production of viscose from these materials involves several chemical processes to convert the cellulose into fibre that can be spun or made into a non-woven. The chemicals used include Caustic and chlorine and the viscose is often treated with fungicides to prevent moulds and fungal spores whilst in storage. Viscose is used in conventional tampons as it is highly absorbent and is readily available at low cost. Non-organic cotton used in conventional menstrual products is often sprayed with herbicides and pesticides. There are potentially 203 toxic chemicals involved in conventional cotton growing, this exposes women to potentially toxic residues such as dioxin and glyphosate.

I hope that this snippet of information on everyday products does not scare people, I hope that even if you cut down on a couple of toxic products you use it will help. For me, I have nearly dispensed of all toxic cleaning products and I am using skin care and make up products that do not contain these harmful chemicals. I have got to work harder on eliminating them from my diet. From this week, I am back to getting my organic fruit and veg boxes which is a start.

I have had a hospital appointment nearly every day this week, on these visits to hospital I have met a variety of people, sadly last week I met a lady with breast cancer who was so angry about her predicament and was using the cold cap during chemotherapy as a punishment as she felt she must have done something wrong in order to be suffering with breast cancer, I found this so sad and a million miles from how I feel but this lady was stuck in her thought process and had turned down lots of support so maybe that was her way to cope with the situation. I also met an 80-year-old lady who had just had the 5 years all clear and was over the moon and it was great to see her smiling face. I will not miss all these visits to hospital but it has reinforced my love of NHS, how lucky are we to receive health care of such a high standard, it worries me that this Government does not value its nursing staff, false pay rise claims, reduced number of people going into nursing and recruitment into NHS posts has become almost impossible. Even though all this is going on we still receive a high standard of care from the health care professionals we come in contact with. I have also just read that the Nursing and Midwifery Council are raising their fees, I bet that for the readers who are not nurses that they did not realise that all nurses have to pay a fee each year to this body in order to practice as a nurse!

Radiotherapy starts on 15th October so I have 4 weeks to build myself up ready for that three weeks. I am also planning to return to work in November, so my fitness regime starts on Monday! My aim next week is to have a stroll by the sea every morning, watch this space!

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NEW POST 04/09/18 Countdown to normal service being resumed.

“The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.” ― Unknown

 

Well I have finally made it, my last chemotherapy session. I started it with mixed emotions, I had only just began to get my taste back and had stopped feeling sick two days before it. I can’t complain, although I seem in my mind to be complaining constantly and one of the things that I am going to try not to do when all this is over is complain. Complaining seems such a negative waste of energy and I want resolutions and peace in my life, my mission this week is to find a mantra for when I or others want to complain, not sure how the people around me will react to this. I was very grateful to have a couple of days of nearing normality, I even had a glass of prosecco and two chocolates. I also spent a lovely day with my family and cousins that came down to visit us.

Chemo itself is always relatively straightforward, for some reason I instantly felt unwell, sick and very dizzy and so it started. It is like a veil comes over you and you view the world through this clouded fuzzy viewer. My whole body feels numb, my tongue, fingers and toes especially. Food and water tastes disgusting and my mouth is so sore i am unable to eat and although I feel slightly hungry the misery of not tasting what you are expecting its really not worth it. In the past week I have had a couple of bowls of soup, smoothies and last night to my joy and was actually one of the most exciting things this week, I ate some dark chocolate! Every inch of my body hurts, for the past week I am more or less confined to the sofa, leaving it only because I need to go to the toilet or its bedtime. At first I always feel guilty for this situation as I am usually active but at the moment my brain does not seem to function correctly and is devoid of emotion apart from feeling sorry for myself, I have a true understanding as to why patients often appear to be selfish and not thinking or being rude to people around them, its not being done on purpose I think our brains are on a default setting as we try and deal with the complexity of symptoms that chemotherapy is giving us.

I feel energised, even though i have these horrible side effects at the moment, this chapter is nearly over and although I have still a couple of phases to go through, for the first time I can provisionally plan a date for going back to work, I can look forward to Christmas, I feel I am getting my life back!

This week I decided to buy some products from a company called  Tropic

This range is natural and cruelty free and was founded by a lady who was on the apprentice in 2011, Alan Sugar was so impressed with her passion and vision that he invested in the company. I had read so many good reviews about their products and as I am focusing on replacing my existing products with ones that are paraben free,  I thought I would treat myself. The links between Parabens and cancer specifically breast cancer is of concern as Parabens are commonly present in many items.  Parabens are chemicals that have preservative qualities.  I have looked at a number of companies that have skin care and make up products that are natural and cruelty free but this range offers good value for money too. Over the next few weeks i will review the products i bought, starting this week with:

Feel Fresh: soothing deodorant and antiperspirant cream.

The reason I ordered and have started with this product is due to my lymph node removal under my left arm it remains numb and still slightly swollen. I have tried a variety of deodorants but have had the problem that with sprays i can’t feel if its gone on so I need to be looking in the mirror, and roller ball or solid sticks seem to drag the puffy skin under my arm. On opening this product I immediately smelt the fresh aroma, to use you squeeze tube and cream is dispensed onto a orange surface which is very smooth, this glided over the skin on my puffy underarm effortlessly and the smell was divine. I used this product first thing in the morning and even though I am experiencing hot flushes at least every hour I had no sweat under my arms and no horrible smells. So I am over the moon with this product, I have tried the other products i bought and will write reviews over the next few weeks.

Day 7 post last chemo, side effects are at there worst and it hurts like crazy, my body has been through a regime that has punished and tested it to the extreme. My mental health is in question, my nails feel like they are all going to pop off, yet this time I know as these side effects subside i will gradually begin to return to normal, hopefully i will be saying hello to the gym in the next two weeks.

Thanks to all

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These past few months I have had to face the hardest battle I have ever had to face in my life, I have felt that I was one step into the unknown and it was not going to be pretty. In fact, I had truly under estimated the side effects of chemotherapy, something I will never do again. Even though my chemo dose was reduced by 10% i was still very ill so was unable to write my blog as i could not string a sentence together.

e07c8da9-e292-4b74-a697-cf2b6c4cdf09 On a positive note, today was my final chemotherapy session, as I entered the unit I had mixed feelings, obviously I am beyond ecstatic as it is my final one,  but apprehensive as I still have to get through the next few weeks of side effects and that scares me! Unfortunately, I am unable to sleep due to the copious number of steroids they have also pumped in my body, again on a positive note although the side effects seem to be starting I am wide awake and buzzing at 2am in the morning and able to write this blog.

I really need to say a big thank you to so many people, without them I would not have been able to face this journey that I found myself on back in February, I still have a little way to go, 3 weeks of Radiotherapy but I am able to now plan to go back to work and look forward to having a life again. I have been so lucky to receive help from so many people it’s impossible to name you all, from friends I had at school to past and present work colleagues, the lovelies, my warrior friend, dear friends who have known me a long time and have lived the good times and bad and of course my wonderful family. They have had to hear the bad news and support me through all this, we have not had many tears as everyone has been strong and positive and I thank them for this, as research shows having love and support around you does aid healing. A special award if there was one has to go to Michael, he is the one who has to listen to all my moaning and believe me there is a lot of it! He makes sure that I have everything I need and I know he loves me how ever I am looking that day, believe me a bald-headed woman crawling up stairs is not a pretty site!

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Having been diagnosed with breast cancer and having to face the thought that you have something that could potentially kill you changes you. I hope this is for the better. I have been difficult to live with as I find I do need the reassurance from people around me that I can fight this but also, I have not allowed myself to feel angry or resentful instead I have tried to learn from the experience and see this as a big wake up call. I know prior to chemo I had all these plans about being sugar free and dairy free, I could not stick to when feeling so nauseous, the only things that have kept me going are sherbet fountains and sherbet dib dabs as other foods have tasted disgusting. These changes have got to happen if I want to decrease my chances of a reoccurrence of this horrible disease. I am in no doubt of that, unfortunately if you get cancer it’s not always caused by something you have done consciously, I have been told by Consultants that although we all know the obvious causes of cancer, it can be something or a stress you have been exposed to sometime in your life that causes it. I feel that my medical team have done all they could do to rid me of the disease and prevent it coming back and now it’s my turn.

I would just like to put these recommendations out there, although I think it’s important that we have everything in moderation as it is so important to enjoy and live it to the full.

As you can see from the pictures above I am so proud to announce that my eldest son Matthew proposed to his girlfriend on holiday this week, he organised and surprised her with a ring and she said yes! The whole family is over the moon as Vicky is a very important part of it, goodness knows we all know she deserves a medal! They can look forward to an exciting future together and I could not be happier. As you can see from the pictures above they have been good friends since about the age of thirteen so she really does know what she is taking  on.

Jack has a new job with  sales@velocity.productions  check it out if you are planning a party, wedding or any celebration and Holly has just finished college and is looking forward to exploring the world.

So although I am sitting here at 4am not able to sleep, numbess creeping back into my fingers and toes, stuffing fizzy wine gums as I don’t expect I will fancy food over the next few days, I reflect (ha ha to all you nurses, we love that word!) but this word which I have in the past raised my eyebrows to, which I cant do now as I have none! This word is helping me onto my next stage as it is only now that I am able to look back on what has happened to me, I have only just started really looking at my scar, realising what has gone on and it frightens me but I have no choice but to except it and move on. So heres to the next chapter, I’m beating this terrible disease but it really is testing every bit of me.

 

Thanks to all

IMG_0171

These past few months I have had to face the hardest battle I have ever had to face in my life, I have felt that I was one step into the unknown and it was not going to be pretty. In fact, I had truly under estimated the side effects of chemotherapy, something I will never do again. Even though my chemo dose was reduced by 10% i was still very ill so was unable to write my blog as i could not string a sentence together.

e07c8da9-e292-4b74-a697-cf2b6c4cdf09 On a positive note, today was my final chemotherapy session, as I entered the unit I had mixed feelings, obviously I am beyond ecstatic as it is my final one,  but apprehensive as I still have to get through the next few weeks of side effects and that scares me! Unfortunately, I am unable to sleep due to the copious number of steroids they have also pumped in my body, again on a positive note although the side effects seem to be starting I am wide awake and buzzing at 2am in the morning and able to write this blog.

I really need to say a big thank you to so many people, without them I would not have been able to face this journey that I found myself on back in February, I still have a little way to go, 3 weeks of Radiotherapy but I am able to now plan to go back to work and look forward to having a life again. I have been so lucky to receive help from so many people it’s impossible to name you all, from friends I had at school to past and present work colleagues, the lovelies, my warrior friend, dear friends who have known me a long time and have lived the good times and bad and of course my wonderful family. They have had to hear the bad news and support me through all this, we have not had many tears as everyone has been strong and positive and I thank them for this, as research shows having love and support around you does aid healing. A special award if there was one has to go to Michael, he is the one who has to listen to all my moaning and believe me there is a lot of it! He makes sure that I have everything I need and I know he loves me how ever I am looking that day, believe me a bald-headed woman crawling up stairs is not a pretty site!

Picture1

Having been diagnosed with breast cancer and having to face the thought that you have something that could potentially kill you changes you. I hope this is for the better. I have been difficult to live with as I find I do need the reassurance from people around me that I can fight this but also, I have not allowed myself to feel angry or resentful instead I have tried to learn from the experience and see this as a big wake up call. I know prior to chemo I had all these plans about being sugar free and dairy free, I could not stick to when feeling so nauseous, the only things that have kept me going are sherbet fountains and sherbet dib dabs as other foods have tasted disgusting. These changes have got to happen if I want to decrease my chances of a reoccurrence of this horrible disease. I am in no doubt of that, unfortunately if you get cancer it’s not always caused by something you have done consciously, I have been told by Consultants that although we all know the obvious causes of cancer, it can be something or a stress you have been exposed to sometime in your life that causes it. I feel that my medical team have done all they could do to rid me of the disease and prevent it coming back and now it’s my turn.

I would just like to put these recommendations out there, although I think it’s important that we have everything in moderation as it is so important to enjoy and live it to the full.

As you can see from the pictures above I am so proud to announce that my eldest son Matthew proposed to his girlfriend on holiday this week, he organised and surprised her with a ring and she said yes! The whole family is over the moon as Vicky is a very important part of it, goodness knows we all know she deserves a medal! They can look forward to an exciting future together and I could not be happier. As you can see from the pictures above they have been good friends since about the age of thirteen so she really does know what she is taking  on.

Jack has a new job with  sales@velocity.productions  check it out if you are planning a party, wedding or any celebration and Holly has just finished college and is looking forward to exploring the world.

So although I am sitting here at 4am not able to sleep, numbess creeping back into my fingers and toes, stuffing fizzy wine gums as I don’t expect I will fancy food over the next few days, I reflect (ha ha to all you nurses, we love that word!) but this word which I have in the past raised my eyebrows to, which I cant do now as I have none! This word is helping me onto my next stage as it is only now that I am able to look back on what has happened to me, I have only just started really looking at my scar, realising what has gone on and it frightens me but I have no choice but to except it and move on. So heres to the next chapter, I’m beating this terrible disease but it really is testing every bit of me.

 

Back in the game

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This is my motto this week, apart from ‘toss your hair in a bun’ as I am now completely bald! It has nearly been a month since I wrote my last blog, this is due to having been feeling very ill with the effects of chemotherapy and what feels like losing my brain cells to the extent of not being able to string a sensible sentence together. I seem to constantly utter the words ” I don’t feel well”, even I am sick of hearing it never mind the people around me!

This journey is proving harder than I could have ever anticipated, chemotherapy is very clever at giving you a unique set of side effects that can change on a daily basis, it does not follow any pattern and is different for each person. It becomes very hard to deal with symptoms that at times can make you feel like you are dying and your whole body is failing, it is also very hard to explain to people how you are feeling and people’s expectations seem to be that you should be recovering quicker or they have known people who have sailed through this treatment. I feel like I have to explain myself to people and this makes me feel a failure once again.

After my chemotherapy on the 26th June it has taken me up till now to have enough strength to carry out little jobs around the house. I celebrated my 50th birthday on 28th, which was lovely as I had all my children and family around me and I was spoilt rotten, although not a drop of alcohol passed my lips, not even a sip of prosecco, I have a lot of making up to do in that department when all this is over! It was then downhill from there and unfortunately that weekend I found it very difficult even to get up off the sofa, we were due to see Adam Lambert and Queen at Wembley on the Sunday evening, I tried to pluck some energy from somewhere but unfortunately, we could not go.

So, I am now bald, I have wigs and hats but they make you hot and especially in the lovely weather we have been having, sending my temperature up all the time. So, bald it is and I actually feel quite liberated. I have now ventured out a couple of times like this and I don’t feel like many people were staring but I don’t mind people staring and as my family would probably say I like having attention! I am noticing that I am having more days where I am feeling fed up, I think this is because nothing in my life has been normal since February and it is quite difficult not being able to plan things for the months ahead. I try to remain positive but reserves are low and I would just like all of this to go away now! Luckily once I begin to feel back on the planet I am once again positive and ready to play, although I wish I had more than a few days before it is then once again a chemotherapy session.

The World Cup has been my savior, I love watching football and I will be so sad when it is all over, I have really enjoyed watching it with my partners granddaughter, she is such a caring and sweet girl and she makes me laugh, when I spend time with her and my niece, who makes me want to be able to bottle her sassiness and confidence and my nephew who before our very eyes is blossoming into a caring and competent young man,  it reminds me how lucky I am and the future is spending time with family and appreciating life. I am going to find something else to fill my time with, it has to be something that does not require much energy any suggestions gratefully received. I have always wanted to watch the whole of Wimbledon, which again I am able to do, I would have preferred to be doing this well, but before I know it I will be back at work and wishing for time off.

We  had to cancel our holiday to Mexico in September but we have booked a cruise around the Caribbean at the end of January so that is exciting and something really positive to focus on. Once my chemotherapy has finished I will be able to go to the gym and lose some of the weight that I have put on, goodness knows how, as I constantly feel sick and have no taste buds but I seem to graze all day searching for a food that will give me some taste satisfaction, so far, its curry and ginger and of course I really enjoy the fillet steak that my partner cooks for me! It is very normalizing to have the date for my holiday as for the whole of the year so far, I have unable to plan anything, this is so abnormal as we usually have working days, treats, outings and so on all penciled in our calendars, mine is blank, and at times that’s how my life feels. I really do not need sympathy and I really don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me as I actually have a lovely life and it spurs me on to know that it can only get better! Actually, writing this blog infuses the positivity back into me.

My goal this week is to drink plenty of water as I am so poor at this, as I think most Community Nurses are, one reason is, they are too busy to stop and have a drink and two, they are then too busy to stop and find a toilet. So, it is important for everyone to ensure they have a paraben free water bottle and drink 6-8 glasses a day! One thing I have learnt, is that I have spent my career over the past 30 years looking after other people, as all nurses do. So, it is important that we look after ourselves otherwise we are not there to do the job we love and deliver the good nursing care that we give!

2nd cycle

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I am writing my blog a bit later in the week as i have been so ill with the side effects of last weeks chemotherapy, that until today i have not been able to do anything but lie on the sofa.  After having my 2nd chemotherapy last week i had a couple of sleepless nights and then some energy due to the amount of steroids that were pumping round my body and then came the big slump! It has hit me hard this time round, some of the days i have not been able to get up off the sofa! I am taking anti sickness medication every four hours, i have terrible muscle fatigue and my taste buds have disappeared so i can’t even comfort eat! The chemotherapy session itself was a lot easier as i was not using the cold cap and my sister came with me this time, which was great as we can just chat and laugh, she gives me the strength to get through this with a smile, thank you also for all the supportive messages i get, it really helps to know that people are thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.

Fear of the unknown is scary but i think knowing sometimes what is ahead is much more daunting, this is making me question whether or not i have the strength to complete the remaining cycles, although i know this is not an option! This period of my life is allowing me to reflect on my whole life, sometimes i wish i was religious as i may feel that i am being sent on a path of enlightenment, instead i feel it is stripping everything back to the core and allowing me to see the important aspects of human life. Looking after our health is fundamental to our existence as human beings yet we take it for granted and participate in unhealthy activities and unhealthy lifestyle choices, although i know the things i need to do in order to walk that healthy path i am still struggling in taking those first steps but i have realised that i just need to make small changes at a time and they will then lead to big changes occurring.

My body feels broken, maybe it needs to get like this in order for the good cells to conquer anything bad in my body, never again will i raise my eyebrows when someone complains about indigestion or feeling exhausted, my body has been so weak that it even hurt to move my eyes! My mind has also been affected this time round, in all the books they talk about a “chemo fog” i can only describe it as the same feeling you have on first waking when you are unsure of what time it is and what the day has in store, this has lasted days. It makes you feel like you are losing your mind and it would be very easy to sink into a self-pitying depression but luckily i have my partner who does not allow me to feel sorry for myself and reminds me that this is a tiny blip in my life and my future is exciting and full of wonderful things.

Cancer has also stripped me of my own identity, it has taken a breast, my work and now my hair. Before i lost all these things i believed that losing these things would not alter who i was, breasts and hair do not define us as women but they are part of who we are and when you lose them we see ourselves differently and lose a part of our identity. I am not less of a woman but my body has changed and getting my head round that when you feel ill is proving to be difficult and is something that i am going to have to work on, its hard to love your body when it seems to be letting you down all the time.

I am so dependent at the moment on everyone around me, for emotional and physical support, so to add to an already stressful time my partner was knocked off his moped this week, this obviously was not his fault, although i think he may of learnt that he needs to slow down! Unlike me, he does not like to cause a fuss and he declined a passer-by help and rejected an ambulance and continued to work. Luckily he has no broken bones but he has badly bruised his ribs, shoulder and hip, he is unable to lift his arm up and is hobbling around. So we both look like a geriatric couple sitting on the sofa, moaning out in pain if we have to move and assisting each other find comfortable positions. When things like this happen it is a stark reminder that we are so fragile and a split second can change your life, we are lucky, my partner will recover from his injuries, i will recover from this ordeal, there are so many people in the world who are less fortunate and do not recover, i have a lot to be thankful for and that’s what keeps me going forward and prevents me from falling into a downward spiral.

41578752-93ae-474d-b2e0-27e08c000565 copy I am now completely bald, my partner had to shave off the remaining hair as it was constantly shedding and ending up everywhere. Yet another thing that knocks your confidence on this journey but as one of my good friends keeps saying ” i am a warrior” so it is with these words that i face the upcoming week and i will win this battle!

I am also sad that i am not able to donate blood at the moment, so my plea this week is DONATE BLOOD, its simple and painless. If you have not donated before follow the link and register, it will make a difference to someones life! click here

Letting go

  This week has been extremely difficult, having to face the enormity of my current situation actually feels like it punches me in the face everyday! From the variety of side effects from the Chemotherapy to actually starting to loose my hair. I really don’t believe that a person is defined by how they look but I liked my breasts and my hair and I will miss them. So I am feeling a little lost this week and not myself. I do remind myself frequently at how lucky I am, not only that the breast cancer was caught early and there are no signs of it having spread elsewhere but also in my everyday life I am lucky. From my partner who has to listen to my constant and increasing ailments and watches me hobble and groan around the house like an old woman but still loves me, to my family who support me at all times and then there are my friends who message me, support and take me out in fact just as I am writing this two packages have arrived, one a wig from a very dear old friend and another a hat for me to wear from my great friend who i enjoy going out for treats with. So sometimes we all need to look more closely at our lives and see the true elements that should be important, our partners, our family and our friends. My breasts and hair can be replaced but they can’t and it’s strange when I seem to be having a difficult day something good happens and I realise it actually does not help feeling sorry for yourself! I am also enjoying being a stay at home mum and a housewife, never mind the fact that my children are grown up and are either out working or enjoying there social life and I think housewives are meant to keep the house clean and tidy and have meal cooked for their man, ha ha, I’m only joking but I have never not worked for such along period and I am trying to embrace it instead of feeling guilty!

My hair! Even after using the cold cap it started to fall out and nobody prepares you for the fact that it actually hurts when it starts to shed, my scalp felt like it was on fire and that someone had punched me all over my head. I had really thick hair so despite the amount that came out it still didn’t look too bad if it hadn’t been for the bald patches on top. So I went to collect my wig and had a short back and sides hair cut, so now I feel like I am in the army, if only my body looked and felt like it was! I must say though having a wig has its advantages as I am useless with hair, this wig looks sleek and precise every time I put it on, although I do feel like I am undercover on special operations but that’s just my weird mind.

My knitted knocker also arrived, in a beautiful organza bag with a tag saying ” made with love, filled with hope. From one woman to another”. It is so comfortable and I think looks very realistic no more scarves for me, I can wear a bra which is a massive step forward for me in my recovery from the operation. I can also now raise my arm nearly straight in the air which is great too but I have been struggling to wash my hair one armed for weeks and now my hair is going i can now put my hand to it! For anyone who knows someone who might need a knitted knocker or for any good knitters here is the link to their website.

So tomorrow is round two of my chemotherapy and I am feeling as nervous as I did with the first one! I am quite bored of feeling ill so I am going to try and be stronger and do some exercise and stick to healthy eating and see if that helps the symptoms, if not or if I don’t see instant results from that it’s back to eating all the rubbish I can!

This is also a reminder for all you woman and men to check your breasts, yes men too, as I have sat in the breast clinic there have been quite a few men there who have breast cancer but remember men you also need to check your testicles!